


Holy Shit I Have A Kid!?

by EmerialynCodeVenice



Series: Children of Gods AU [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alpha Kids/Trolls Just Want Parents To LOVE Them, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Awkward Parenting, Beta Kids/Trolls Have No Clue What They're Doing, Betas Made Own Universe, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider is a Good Parent, Everyone lived, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, NO Caliborn/Lord English, Or Tried To Be, Still All The Issues Lol, Strilonde Focus, Time Shenanigans, Worshipped As GODS Lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22855498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmerialynCodeVenice/pseuds/EmerialynCodeVenice
Summary: Thirteen-year-old Dirk Strider and the other Troll/Human Descendants of the Sixteen Gods have been waiting to meet their 'parents' their entire lives. When they finally do, Dirk is determined to prove himself. Because then... maybe his Bro would want to get to know him.Meanwhile, for Dave Strider, parenting is hard--especially when you had no clue you even had a kid. It was enough to have unresolved childhood issues and an inability to confess his feelings for a certain troll, but now he has to try (and fail) to not embarrass himself in front of this mini-version of Bro.Oh gods this is going to be a disaster.
Relationships: Beta Adults & Alpha Kids, Dave Strider & Dirk Strider, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde & Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Roxy Lalonde & Dirk Strider, lots of background ships - Relationship
Series: Children of Gods AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643083
Comments: 95
Kudos: 275





	1. We Created WHAT Now?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [09Pyros_09Hydros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/09Pyros_09Hydros/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, my desire to see floundering godtier Dave suddenly finding out about a young Dirk combined with my never-fading grief of the troll's canon deaths--thus making this universe where, unsurprisingly, no one died and Lord English/Caliborn never existed (basically, Callie won that battle early on and that is THAT). I also threw in random stuff, cuz it's fanfiction and I have that wonderful power lol.
> 
> As a result, lots of subtle changes that might be mentioned throughout: such as Bro not being abusive (I blame Lil Cal for that) but still a difficult-to-read guardian before his death, Gamzee being a chill clown (again, Lil Cal you DEMON), there was no Scratch, the Dancestors/Human Descendants thus are basically little clone kids like 'normal' Descendants, every player reached godtier through bullshit shenanigans, Betas made/rule their own Universe but haven't been back to New Earth/Alternia (called AlterEarth) for a long time... etc.
> 
> You'll see.
> 
> So, uh, let me throw this fic at you even though I have soooo many to work on for the amount of free time in my life. Eh, it'll probably maybe be fine... somehow.
> 
> Without further, ado, please enjoy all this trainwreck of a family fic!

o0o0o0o

==> Dave: Make Life-Changing Decision (unknowingly)

o0o0o0o

Your name was Dave Strider.

That meant that, sometimes, even your most off-handed comments turned into absolute disasters or literal miracles. For what happened next... you're uncertain which category it'd fall under.

 _ ~~The first, oh dear gog the first category.~~_

o0o0o0o

"Has it really been over a decade?" you asked, admittedly, out of the blue while floating over a farming field on Planet T. 

Unsurprisingly, Rose only raised an eyebrow at you from where she was guiding Planet T's citizens (a humanoid snake-like people with gills? Weird even if you kinda helped make them) in their famine reparations.

Which, fair, you should be focusing or whatever on speeding up time so that these plants could grow and the entire world wouldn't starve now that Eridan had successfully destroyed the parasites killing crops and Feferi had designed new food to grow here.

But, seriously, watching weird blue wheat grow was barely more interesting than watching paint dry, so your sister shouldn't blame you for your mind wandering to bigger and better things.

"Dave, must I remind you that, even as your twin and with the ability to see possible futures," began Rose, the 26-year-old woman (give or take the 5000 years you guys fast-forwarded when first arriving in your new universe after laying out the groundwork) lifting a delicate blonde eyebrow, the planet's purple sunlight giving her the weirdest complexion. "I do _not_ have the ability to read your mind when you finish a conversation that I have no apparent memory of starting."

Oh. That's probably fair.

You grinned, adjusting your shades even as drifted to the left of the rice-paddy-like fields to work on speeding up the growth of some pink cabbages. "I mean, it's been thirteen years, eleven months, three weeks, one day, ten hours--"

"As enlightening as your ever-present knowledge of time is," interrupted Rose, even though you could see a smile tugging on her lips. You knew that she was secretly super impressed with your skills. It didn't matter that there were fourteen others besides you two with the powers of a god, you knew she thought you were the most awesome--it was you (even if Aradia, who you shared your aspect with, was pretty dope if kinda creepy at times too). "Will we ever arrive at the point? Or perhaps I should 'hunker down' and wait out the inevitable tornado of verbosity?"

"Chillax, sis. No need to be blowin' up a storm at this Strider," you drawled with a Southern twang.

You used to really hate your accent (even now, you thought it was kind of dumb as fuck), but then Texas had to go and get destroyed (with the rest of Earth, and the universe) so you supposed it wasn't _that_ bad.

Of course, for all you knew, there was a Neo Texas back on AlterEarth (parts of your, as in the sixteen winners of the Sburb game, personalities randomly appeared across the universe so it was definitely possible) which finally brought you back to the topic at hand.

"It's been a while since we arrived in the future and left AlterEarth to explore the rest of our universe, right?" She nodded and you continued. "I was just thinking about how we've never gone back this entire time, you know?"

"Well, we have been rather busy with dealing with the rest of _our universe_ as you stated." Still, Rose's expression turned contemplative, not as focused on the palmhusk she had been using to direct Planet T's citizens. "Not to mention that time feels... different now that we are essentially immortals."

You nodded. Even though you could count down to the very second anything had happened, years didn't feel nearly as long as they once did. Which was kind of weird because, even though you were all biologically in your mid-twenties (or barely double digits if you used sweeps), you felt a hell lot fucking older.

More godly shenanigans probably. That or you all had an inflated sense of ego--probably that one, if you thought about your extended group. 

"Though," continued Rose, tasting the word as if it was the finest wine. "I see your unspoken point given that AlterEarth was essentially some sort of strange amalgamation of Earth and Alternia and the closest to what we can call a home, being as it was the first planet we made. Are you suggesting that we visit for the 5014th Anniversary where they are surely to hold some sort of annual celebration?"

"It could be fun." You shrugged, glancing away even though she couldn't see with your shades on. After all, these random polka-dot squashes wouldn't grow themselves-- _really, Feferi, what the fuck were these?_ "Maybe make it a thing and have everyone all together for the first time in a while, you know?"

"Oh?" Her smile became sly. You knew immediately what was coming. "Including a certain leader perhaps?"

"Yeah, I'd hope John would be there," you said with a deadpan, unwilling to let Rose see any change in your expression, but you _knew_ that she knew anyways.

See, this is why her statement earlier that _'she couldn't read your mind'_ was an obvious fucking lie. Snarky Seer broads. Terezi did shit like this all the time too, so it was definitely a Seer thing. 

"Indeed," she agreed, straight-faced yet contemplative. "Of course, it might be that with one of our leaders being present, that Karkat would think it a waste of resources for him to be there as well--"

You stiffened.

"Wait, you really think he wouldn't--" Then, you stopped, scowling at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't believe I said anything in particular?" quipped Rose, smiling _innocently_ as ever. "But I will admit that, barring any truly universe-ending emergency, I don't think that would happen. In fact..."

Her eyes faded to a yellow before returning to purple. "I think that everyone is in a position of being free to attend the AlterEarth Anniversary. Most of the others have finished, or are finishing, their individual missions across the universe."

Cool. You nodded, glancing at your last Planet T Group Chat **_"Yo Let's Feed A Planet"_** pesterchum conversation. Scrolling through a sea of violet, fuschia, and jade green, you know that Eridan and Feferi had both completed their individual jobs with Kanaya wrapping things up at the planet's nursery as well.

"You probably already know, but we're pretty much all finished up here too. I'll message the others to see what they think about it."

"Excellent," replied Rose, her eyes going yellow once more. "I'm going to check to see if there will be any suspected complications with attending the ceremony..."

What she was looking at now, you didn't know, focusing on messaging the others on your particular mission. You weren't lying that it had been a while since the combined human troll groups had been in the same place.

To be fair, when you had sixteen literal _gods_ , each with the power to create, destroy, or mess with a whole lot of shit, it made more sense to divide your powers in a way that they'd be most useful wherever they were needed.

After all, 5000 years was apparently a long time to leave a universe on its own, so random shit popped up that needed your attention. Because, while you could ignore it, you had bleeding hearts on your team like John and Karkat who were determined to help everyone and everything like the dramatic, sentimental fuckers they were.

Though, what did that make you, unable to say no to them after all this time? Probably an even bigger sap, even if you'd ignore anyone who said anything of the sort. 

Thus, the two leaders had made the 'mission' system where Rose and Terezi would figure out the best way to divide the groups in order to help whatever issues in the universe needed fixing. Right now, you were pretty sure that you were all divided up into four groups.

Usually it was more, but there was some sort of civil war raging on Planet X so there were a lot of your group there. Last you heard, Terezi was having the time of her life verbally battling it out in the courts, Vriska was hunting down would-be political assassins, Gamzee was using his Rage powers to find out what everyone was pissed about, Nepeta was literally shipping the leaders, Karkat was fixing the social inequality, etc.

As a result, Karkat hadn't really been able to message you in a while.

...not that it was a big deal, of course.

Who the fuck would want that asshole filling up every chat with his obsessive, mother-henning rants on a regular basis?

It was completely cool that Karkat was working side-by-side with Nepeta in a close, maybe even intimate, situation when you knew she still had to have feelings for Karkat even though she had told you a few years ago that she was going to move on.

Or that he was hanging in close proximity with Terezi? You vividly remembered fighting to be her boyfriend way back during the Game.

It was all completely fine.

Didn't concern you at all. For any reason.

...

Anyway, Equius and Jade were repairing some sort of black hole disaster in space over in Galaxy GK and using some sort of technobabble in their group chat that you couldn't begin to understand, but you _think_ that Jade was shrinking it while Equius was doing voidy shit to make it not exist.

Meanwhile, the last group was compromised of Sollux, Aradia, John, and Tavros fixing rampant natural weather disasters on Planet J. John had felt 'particularly protective' over that world because it was where Casey and her people were (you liked to think it was also because the world had the same first initial as his name) and grabbed the three other trolls even though just having Tavros would've probably been enough with how OP his Breath powers got once the Page concentrated enough.

Though, you supposed the fact that Sollux was designing some sort of weather tower to control the freakishly frequent natural disasters while Aradia was ensuring that no more harm was done to the planet were both pretty important roles.

It took another minute of typing before you realized that Rose had gone strangely silent beside you.

Looking up, you see her face has gone alarmingly pale, her eyes still stuck in a Light-trance.

"Rose..." you began cautiously, immediately going to pocket your phone when her eyes snapped back to violet.

She looked at you, any trace of levity gone as visible sweat matted her brow. Shit, whatever she had seen had rattled her.

"Does this mean we're canceling the get-together on AlterEarth--" you began cautiously, pushing back the smidge of disappointment. 

"No!" You startled, not expecting the raised voice and Rose, looking strangely flustered, cleared her throat. "No. It has suddenly come to my attention that it is... very important that we are all at the 5014th AlterEarth Anniversary. Imperative, even."

"Is there trouble?" you asked, even as you open a new group chat including everyone (unsurprisingly, Nepeta greets you with cat puns first) as you relayed Rose's cryptic... warning?

"Yes," she said before frowning. "Or rather, no."

"That makes perfect sense," you said, even as you kind of freaked out on the inside. You hadn't seen Rose this off-balance since, well, Sburb. That relation... did not invoke calming feelings, to say the least.

"While there is no physical danger, this is something I believe I should inform everyone of together." The blonde Seer shook her head. "Or, rather, that is how I foresee it happening to create the best result. Telling what I know right now would... lead to potentially detrimental events."

Before you can ask anymore, she floated in front of you, making a beeline for Planet T's capital city in the distance. "Now, let us go. We have been away for too long."

_(Looking back, you wonder if Rose purposely didn't tell you was because she'd seen that **you** were going to be one of those who wouldn't handle her news well. _

_After all, there was a lot of pressure when you were the gods of the universe.)_

o0o0o0o

==> Dirk: Get Life-Changing News (knowingly)

o0o0o0o

Your name was Dirk Strider.

That meant that, even with your efforts to predict everything around you, the universe just loved showing you how little control you actually had.

Case in point being when a normal day in 'Descendants Class' (aka, yet another occasion that the sixteen of you were singled out from society and forced together as a shining reminder of your universe's, admittedly awesome, creators) turned from mind-numbing boring to containing the biggest fucking news ever.

At the time, you were in your usual seat in the back row, working with Hal on your shades rather than pay attention to your instructor Perceptive Advisor (who you preferred to call Pompous Asshole) give yet another lecture on all of your duties to not disgrace the legacies of your individual Ancestors. 

Of course, only Kankri (Descendant of God/Hero Karkat Vantas, Knight of Blood, Leader of the Trolls, The Carcino Geneticist, etc. etc. etc.) paid full attention to PA. Fortunately, he sat in the front row and so, with his blinding red hoodie, commandeered most of the instructor's attention.

It was particularly fortunate for Cronus, sitting directly behind Kankri, since he was currently drooling in his sleep, face-down on his desk.

The candy-red troll would undoubtedly scold the Ampora later, but the fact that he didn't immediately oust the seadweller to the teacher was telling no matter how "celibate" Kankri argued he was. He argued that he would continue to walk in his Ancestor's footsteps, the godly Vantas apparently believing that leaders, to fairly pity all life equality, should disavow extremely personal connections.

It sounded like glamorized idyllic bullshit made up by obsessed historians, but, given that you had never actually met any of the gods yourself-- _including... your own Ancestor--_ it could be completely true that Kanrki's Ancestor was also a celibate asshole who avoided individual romance in favor of "serving others above himself." He _was_ an all-powerful god, after all. They worked differently than you mortals. 

Beside you, your ectosister (not really sure how that worked since your Ancestor and hers were apparently siblings, but you didn't question it), Roxy, was giggling to herself as she hunched over something. Looking more closely, you could see that it was a miniature pumpkin of all things.

"Miss Lalonde," Pompous Asshole's voice cut through the air, making your eyes dart over to see the displeased carpacian staring at her. "Would you remind repeating to the class what I just said?"

"Umm... our Ancestors are really cool?" Roxy tried before disappearing in thin air.

You concealed a snicker even as others, Latula and Meenah, in the class didn't bother.

Another thing that set your group as different from all the other trolls and humans on AlterEarth, beyond the obvious, was the fact that you very clearly had _classpect_ related abilities. Of which, only gods like your creators were supposed to have from some 'game' they played to make this universe.

Of course, you didn't have full powers, more like pathetic little wisps, but it was kind of cool. Sometimes.

Scientists and researchers theorized these powers existed because you contained more than the blood of your creators (which mutated slightly with the humans given their, your, dual ancestry). All the troll Descendants had the same aspect as their Ancestors, while the human kids, including you, all had different ones.

Aka no badass Time powers for you, only the emotional bullshit that was Heart (no offense to Meulin or her undeniably badass Rogue of Heart Goddess of an Ancestor).

"While true in such feebly understated words," said PA, the carapacian bringing a clawed hand up to his face in exasperation as Roxy reappeared, still in her seat, with a wide grin. "It is essential that you all know very _specifically_ why that is so that you meet their standards--"

"Quit glubbing us, PA," interrupted Meenah from where she very blatantly staring at her phone.

You think she was checking her stocks given how she had harassed you yesterday about making some tech company lose value when you sold a robot to their competitor. You might have done that on purpose.

"We all know dat if dey reelly cared what we were doin', dey would've visited us long ago. Jus admit dat obsessin' over us fish ain't gonna get you any closer to dem big fishes."

Even in the face of PA's outraged protest, there was a quiet murmur of resigned agreement throughout the rest of the class. Even you, who... didn't exactly try to ignore this fact (you couldn't, your mind was apparently wired to constantly remember the things that bothered you the most) found that you couldn't disagree.

After all, your Ancestors had left AlterEarth the day you all had come out of your ecto-chambers, so it was obvious that the gods weren't... very impressed with their genetic clones.

It wasn't like you, or anyone in the room honestly, were expecting that they would have _stayed_ or raised you like a lusus or parent (or even the caretakers and scientists you got instead these past thirteen years).

After all, being gods was a lot of work. There was no shortage of stories or news on whatever unbelievable feats they were all accomplishing across the universe. Like your Ancestor was currently using his super cool powers to revitalize an entire fucking planet--so badass.

Thus, you had been told a million times while growing up that, even though you all were the Descendants of the Blessed Sburb Victors (and the million other titles they had), you had to understand that you were not, _could not_ , be their priority. Especially since, while you shared their genetic code, they were technically the parents of _everything_ and felt responsible or whatever in keeping peace for everyone in the universe.

Which, again, _fair_.

Yet, the fact that they didn't even _visit_ kind of... bothered some of you.

Not _you_ , of course. You completely understood that Planet T was a long fucking way from AlterEarth (even if your Ancestor used his time travel powers, it would still be a long journey for him _..._ regardless of the fact he was immortal and Time was his bitch) and that having a kid tag along while preventing galaxy-wide tragedies was a recipe for trouble.

It's not like you got excited every time the Knight of Time was reported to be in a galaxy near to yours or listened intently every time Roxy gushed about her own Ancestor (which was technically yours, even if you didn't feel as strong of a connection).

No, despite your biological age of thirteen, you were mature as shit and weren't going to whine like some of the others (particularly Cronus and Aranea) about how much you wanted to see your... Ancestor.

Seriously, fuck that sideways. You didn't need that moping bullshit when you had a _plan._

One that included most of the class where, when you all reached adulthood and were no longer legally bound to stay on this fucking planet, were going to buy your own spaceship (the Descendant Fund was literally overflowing, no matter what 'cuts' Meenah randomly made into it) and physically _go_ to your Ancestors.

It would be completely subtle, all chill like where you would just 'happen' to be on a planet that some of your Ancestors were on and offer your many expertise (and, hopefully by then, better functioning classpects) to help whatever issue they were working on. Make them see that, even though you weren't gods, you _could_ be helpful and didn't have to stay on AlterEarth like some sort of failed knock-off brand that they were too disappointed to even acknowledge.

Maybe, if you all did _really_ well, your creators would even invite you on their next rescue missions. Perhaps even as a tag team duo depending on your luck.

(You're not sure what problem would fit _exactly_ with a potential Prince of Heart and an OP Knight of Time, but _dammit you would design one yourself if you had to_.)

In reality, you knew it wouldn't be that fucking simple, probably not by a long shot. But you, and many of the others, were already going crazy with how much you wanted to see your Ancestors so it was The PlanTm.

Or... at least it was.

Breaking through PA's words, the television blackboard changed from some random nonsense on the secret meaning behind your Ancestor's typing quirks to the AlterEarth National News Channel: Emergency Broadcast.

All of you watched-- _Cronus being nudged awake by Porrim in the seat next to him and even Kurloz looking up to pay attention--_ as the screen changed to a podium in an official-looking office with a short carapacian sitting in a chair made of cans. It was the Mayor.

Careful to maintain your coolkid visage, you mentally grinned at the sight of the Wayward Vagabond, now 'Mayor of AlterEarth' for all that made fucking sense.

Even if you hadn't known that the Mayor became friends with your Ancestor when they first designed your planet (and, wow, even with your control-freak tendencies, you can't really imagine making a _world_ nonetheless a universe--it would drive your perfectionist tendencies insane, you just knew), he was pretty awesome dude all the times you had met him.

You Descendants saw him as a sort of "Weird Uncle" (or Weird _Vuncle_ to keep that WV theme) even when he was critiquing all of you (you could respect a proper perfectionist, unlike PA who went overboard in the stupidest of things).

The Mayor started waving his hands, talking muffled into his scarf as always. Of course, no one could understand what the fuck he was saying, so there was a text interpretation at bottom of the screen:

WV: GOOD DAY RESIDENTS OF ALTEREARTH. I AM YOUR MAYOR AND HERE TO TELL YOU VERY EXCITING NEWS!

"Isn't _everything_ exciting with WV?" whispered Roxy with a playful giggle.

You smirked with a subtle nod, completely expecting some minor report in relation to the 5014th AlterEarth Creation Ceremony next week (of which the sixteen of you were, you guessed it, unwilling special participants of) despite the fact that it was an 'Emergency Broadcast.'

As a result, you had no way of expecting what The Mayor actually had to say.

WV: I HAVE JUST RECEIVED A REPORT THAT ALL SIXTEEN OF THOSE KIDS WHO WON THE GAME ARE COMING TO VISIT FOR NEXT WEEK'S CELEBRATION. THAT IS ALL.

With that, the screen went blank.

For a moment, all was silent in the classroom.

"Hey, teach," said Cronus to PA, voice shaky around the lollipop in his mouth (he was forbidden from smoking in class). "By 'kids who won the game' he didn't mean..."

"Our _parents,_ " breathed out Jane. She flushed despite the fact that no one looked at her for her outburst.

"Ancestors," corrected Kankri lightly, but even his correction was half-hearted, his eyes wide and mouth parted like his entire world view had been rocked. Which, to be fair, it sort of had.

"By golly," breathed out Jake, looking 'gobsmacked' (as he would put it) in the seat beside you. "Do you really think it's true?"

A somewhat manic grin broke out across Rufioh's face in the seat ahead of you. "I don't think that... the Mayor would mess with us like that, man..."

With that, conversation erupted as everyone brought out their own palmhusks or cell phones to try and confirm or get more information.

A bit overwhelmed by the speculation around you (made even worse by Pathetic Attempt's feeble tries to calm everyone down when he looked faint himself), you glanced over at Roxy to see how she was taking it.

"Did you hear that, Dirk?" she whispered, as if trying to impart a secret. She was biting her lip, looking at you with glossy eyes, a fragile sort of hope shining in them. "We're finally going to meet our _Mom_ and _Dad_!"

"Yeah," you said faintly, Hal informing you over your shades about your erratic hear beat. "I... guess we are?"

Suffice to say, the fact that this ruined all your carefully laid plans was only the start to the madness that would come after this moment.

After all, there was a lot of pressure when you were the children of the gods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kids: Our parents are coming back? This is the BEST THING EVER!  
> Rose (internally panicking over telling the others): This... this isn't the worst thing ever...
> 
> And thus begins the hijinks of the Godly Parents/Children of Gods AU! With some of my favorite ships and an emphasis on StriLonde family dysfunctions, of course XD. 
> 
> Please leave a Comment or Kudos to tell me what you think!


	2. We Created WHO Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:
> 
> In the spur of the moment, Dave decides that he and the other 16 Gods should visit AlterEarth for the 5014th Anniversary. To his surprise, Rose subtly freaks out but refuses to tell him what she's seen in their future. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Dirk and the other Descendants are in the middle of the same old same old when the Mayor gives an international announcement that the 16 Gods will return. A mix of terrified and excited, Dirk furiously plans to meet his Ancestor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I changed the summary a million times. Probably going to change it a million times more lol. It just doesn't want to work with me? 
> 
> Also, OOF. Work, school, and life all decided to hit me ESPECIALLY hard this week and probably will continue to do so for the next few weeks (like I literally have over 70 solid hours of extra work on top of my usual stuff!?). Thankfully, I already had this chapter written and I just finished the quick line edits of it. 
> 
> Next chapter (and any of my other fics) might take a lot longer than planned though.

o0o0o0o

==> Dirk: (Do Not) Panic About Party

o0o0o0o

Unsurprisingly, pure chaos reigned inside the Descendants Dorm the night of the 5014th AlterEarth Anniversary.

But unlike the usual brand of teenage drama and cabin fever that inevitably happened when sixteen people were forced to grow up in constant close proximity, there was a very real chance that someone might die. Whether it be Meenah stabbing Aranea if she didn't agree to temporarily mind control PA during the announcements tonight or Jane deciding suicide via overbaking herself into exhaustion was the best choice, there was going to be _blood_.

Honestly, you really wondered what The Mayor and people like Pompous Asshole had been thinking when they put you all together in an enclosed space like this.

To be fair, you doubted that your godly parents had been nearly as dysfunctional, given that they worked together to beat a world-ending game before making the entire universe. But, again, _who knows?_

_~~In a few hours, you just might finally--~~ _

After the gods had... left you all behind for other adults to take care of, it was obvious that even as infants that you all needed somewhere to live apart from the 'general masses.'

At first, the government had considered hiring a lusus for each of you before dumping you in the individual mansions built for each of your Ancestors. But then _some_ asshole (your money was on PA) thought it best to raise you all together for some godforsaken (a term you meant quite literally) reason.

Which, even in a place as big and furnished as the Descendants Dorm (there was some 'technical' name for it, but that's what you and the other Alpha Kids called it), could get pretty damn cramped with sixteen pubescent teenagers old enough to be trapped in the throes of inevitable emotional drama and disaster.

Though, even as you (pretended to) work on Squarewave, while doing your best to ignore Kankri's shrieks for Cronus to stop hogging the bathroom-- _which, even in a building this size, was only one of five, with a sweating Horuss, make-up obsessing Latula, grooming Rufioh, and deaf Meulin occupying the other four so it made sense for Kankri to try and get his non-boyfriend to leave... not that it would happen, knowing the Ampora_ \--and Damara cussing out someone (you're guessing Kurloz) outside your workshop, you had to admit that you also were a bit... anxious about tonight.

Tonight. Or, more accurately, the 5014th Anniversary of AlterEarth _and the **first** **time** _(that you knew of, _damn it they could have been here before and you just didn't know cause they didn't bother to drop in and say hello--_ ) the gods had come back since you all were _literally **born** \--_

 _Chill, Strider_. _Be cool._

You winced as you heard a loud _crash_ outside, Mituna's voice calling from what you guessed was the bottom of the staircase for "halp" before chuckling what a "sick wipeout" it was.

If nothing else, the crash silenced Damara and Kurloz's bickering (if it could be called that since the latter didn't really speak since the incident with Meulin years ago) as the purple undoubtedly went to check on his mentally questionable moirail.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]

TT: While I'm sure that it's your genius intention...

TT: If you don't leave off with that drill, Squarewave is going to join the fabled leagues of decapitated robots.

TT: But, again, I'm sure that's exactly what you want.

You cursed, bringing the drill away from the rapping bot and throwing the machine off to the side with a huff. It landed with a _clang_ , furthering the uncharacteristic mess that was your workstation.

Generally, you liked to have everything in perfect order (especially since Horuss' section was inevitability filled with broken scrap) but you just... hadn't been able to concentrate this last week.

TT: And now throwing around your toys like a toddler in a tantrum.

TT: Truly, our Ancestor will be so impressed.

TT: Hopefully, being a god means that he forgives the immaturity of us lesser, hopelessly flawed beings.

TT: I definitely wish I got a copy of his brain scans rather than yours.

"Shut up," you muttered, wondering for the thousandth time why you had ever designed something based on your own brain.

At first, it seemed like a good idea to increase your productivity (which Hal did, when he wasn't being passive-aggressive as shit) but the two of you butt heads enough that you're sure it would eventually drive you insane.

Of course, in Hal's defense he, too, had been particularly irritable this past week.

If you hadn't known the potential of your Heart aspect (aka: had it shoved down your throat by PA), you would have wondered why Hal was such a snarky bastard. As it was, it took a few weeks for you to realize that you must have literally broken off a piece of your soul to make him.

Which... yeah, was probably a big mistake on multiple levels in retrospect, but it had happened and Hal was here so that was that. You even got along sometimes. Emphasis on _sometimes_.

Before Hal can go off on another tangent and dive you both into the depths of snide banter, there's a distinct _hiccup_ behind you.

Tensing, you spin around. You don't see anything, but you can _smell_ the cheap moonshine alcohol that Meenah had snuck in last week for whatever reason, so you know exactly what's going on.

"Roxy," you said, unsurprised as she un-voids herself and jumps into your arms. As she attempted to asphyxiate you via hugging, the smell of alcohol and salty tears grow stronger. "Roxy..."

"Wha iff dey don't like me, Dirky?" cried Roxy, snot and tears soaking into your oil-stained tank top. "Cuz I think of dem like mah Mom and Uncle and they'rez all soo cool budt I'ma wreck and not cool enougha and--"

"Breathe, Roxy," you muttered, awkwardly patting her back. Sometimes, you wondered where she got her attachment to physical touch when, reportedly, both of your Ancestors were considered emotionally detached and hands off. Not that, again, you'd know for sure.

 _~~Though maybe you'd finally get the chance~~ _ _\--_

"I jus _want dem to **like** me_," sobbed Roxy, clutching you even harder as you sighed and patted her shoulder some more.

To be honest, you had expected this breakdown a while ago, seeing past that genuine excitement but false cheer at the news of the gods returning to AlterEarth.

You'd heard plenty of your fellow Alphas crying to themselves in various times and places (it had been particularly awkward to find Porrim crying over the suit she had sewed for you, the troll apologizing over and over again for the green stains at the bottom of the cuffs before kicking you out to fix it), but Roxy had somehow kept it together... until now.

And, apparently, she had gotten into the alcohol on _top_ of it.

TT: As unironically sympathetic I am to her fleshy emotional plight, this is a very bad time for a meltdown.

TT: There is only so much time until the party, and I'm uncertain you can sober her up enough that no one will know exactly what she did.

TT: Or that she will be emotionally stable by then.

Even as you silently agreed, you let her cry herself out for the next few minutes until she was left with a runny nose and red eyes. "I'm ah mess, aren't I?" she stated more than asked, sniffling.

Wisely, you said nothing on the matter even as you mentally grimaced.

Instead, you stood up and helped her to her feet. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up. I'm sure Meulin will let us into her bathroom if you agree to watch romcoms with her later..."

o0o0o0o

==> Dave: (Definitely) Panic About Party

o0o0o0o

 _'Chill, Strider. Be cool,'_ you think to yourself, keeping your poker face in check even as a thousand cameras flashed on all sides of you and the other Winners of Sburb. Your group slowly but steadily made your way to the 'place of honor' at the center of the 5014th AlterEarth Anniversary banquet. _'Don't make it obvious you'd rather fight fucking Jack Noir again than deal with people up in your face.'_

It was true though. You and attention... didn't ready get along (probably one of the many tokens of your time with the paranoid asshole that was your Bro. He had drilled into your head that being seen was the same as being caught and being caught meant being _dead--_ ), but you also knew it was more than that.

A subtle glance to Rose in front of you showed that, while she wore a demure smile as she walked a step behind John and Karkat, the crease in her brow displayed that she was still pretty bothered by something.

Even when your collective bunch had all finally got together and reunited outside the planet's atmosphere, she had remained tight-lipped (even to Kanaya) about why it was so urgent for you to return for this celebration.

 _'Well,_ ' you think as you sit down at 'your seat' (obvious by the fact that it was a literal throne and fucking _red_ with the aspect of Time etched into it) at a long, ornate gold and purple table. _'Guess we're about to find out.'_

However, it was sitting down at your long line of thrones that you... noticed something peculiar: there were sixteen _more_ seats directly in front of your spots.

Smaller, but decorated in the same fashion... or, at least, _almost_ the same as you and the other fifteen.

For one, someone must have fucked up because while all the mini-troll seats had the same aspect as the thrones behind them, the mini-throne in front of you had the _Heart_ aspect? Seriously, what the fuck was this?

Subtly glancing around behind your shades, you saw the furrow in Karkat's brow so you know that he had no clue of it either. And if the control freak leader (in contrast to John who could literally be run over by a tornado before noticing anything amiss) didn't know why this was happening, then it was obvious that this hadn't been run by him.

A part of you relished in the fact that you're so close to Karkat, with only John and Rose separating you two for the first time in three months, two weeks, one day, twelve hours-- _stop that, Dave!_

While you could at least excuse your aspect for making you so batshit crazy about exact time, you... wondered if Karkat had noticed that he hadn't seen you for a while too?

Probably not, given that he was a badass motherfucker with a lot more important shit to do than get into a ranting-ramble match with you. Even if the walls of grey and red text were pretty impressive to look at after the fact...

 _'Focus, Dave,'_ you told yourself.

Even if it probably wouldn't be that important, you were super curious why the fuck there were chairs in front of you. After all, even the world leaders of AlterEarth were sitting in a large, round table about twenty feet away, so it wasn't them that would occupy the space.

Who would be so important to sit next to the 'almighty gods'--

Before your thought process can go any further, you finally noticed a tall carapacian standing a few feet away. He was apparently in the middle of some big speech welcoming you creators of the universe. One about how pleased the world was to be graced with your presence and _blah blah blah..._

You would've zoned out again, but felt the sharp, nudge of Rose's shoe into your shin.

Schooling your impression to conceal the scowl, you glanced her way to see what her problem was. Generally, she was more amused than anything when you zoned out at 'state affairs' like this. But she's tenser than ever, literally _gripping_ the edge of her throne in a subtle manner that you doubted anyone but you and Kanaya noticed.

About to just say _"fuck it"_ and freeze Time before demanding to know what was going on with her, the carapacian in the middle (you think his name was... Profound Aide, but Pompous Asshole probably fit better) gestured off to the side. There looked to be a bunch of short, cloaked people standing in a row. You thought they may be carapacians too, but the body structure was off.

Your first thought was that you hoped they weren't 'religious acolytes' -- aka the creepy cult worshippers that you weren't sure how to discourage when your literal presence made them faint. To be fair, you were pretty awesome, but it was... weird.

It was then that the first person in line, probably female given the curves, stepped forward to the center of the stage.

A moment passed before she pulled down her hood, revealing short black hair, glasses, and bright blue eyes. She looked... familiar, for a reason you couldn't put your finger on--

"Announcing Jane Egbert," said PA in a loud voice, making you freeze because... _WTF?_ Did you hear that surname right? Well, it probably wasn't too strange, there had been literal dozens of kids named after all of you, but-- "Descendant of the Eternal God of Wind and Storms, Heir of Breath, Leader of the Human Players, Hero John Egbert!"

_WHAT THE FUCK?_

In front of you all, _Jane Egbert_ did a shy curtsey, her gaze locked on to John who was staring hard enough that you're legitimately worried that his eyes they would fall out.

"I'm pleased to meet you, your divinities," she said politely.

John, not looking the least bit divine with his mouth dropped open, didn't respond.

At this, Jane's expression seemed to fall and she ducked her head with a visibly red face. She walked over to her seat in front of the Heir of Breath. Her gaze remained firmly on the table even as John continued to stare down at her in disbelief. 

You kinda think that someone should maybe comfort the girl, but that sure as shit wouldn't be you because when the _fuck_ did _John_ have a _**kid?**_ Especially one this old?

Was this what Rose meant by important? Because, yeah, _John_ having an impossibly aged kid was literally earth-shattering--

"Announcing Roxy Lalonde," continued PA, obviously _blind_ to your (and those next to you) impending breakdown. "Descendant of the Eternal Goddess of Enlightenment, All-Seeing Guide of the Universe's Creation, Interpreter of the Horrorterrors, and Seer of Light--Hero Rose Lalonde!"

 _'Oh no,'_ you thought faintly as another midget in a blue cloak walked up to where Jane had just stood.

She pulled off her hood, revealing a pretty but flushed blonde girl with pink eyes that reminded you too much of your ectotwin and maybe even you!?

' _This goes **way** fuckin' deeper doesn't it?'_

"Hi!" said _Roxy_ , waving a bit too quickly with a smile too large to be comfortable as the carapacian scowled behind her-- _you kind of wanted to punt him into space_. "It's super cool to, um, I mean, I-I'm pleased to... um..."

Abruptly, her smile was gone, replaced by the true terror hidden beneath. To your horror, there were _tears_ in her eyes.

"I mean, I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't... I didn't--"

At the corner of your peripheral, Rose twitched. Suddenly, you realized that she _knew_ about this. It was really fucking obvious in retrospect because what _else_ could have bothered the former grimdark queen so much-- _'_ _Kids,'_ you think hysterically. _'How was I supposed to guess fucking **kids**?'--_than this?

On the stage in front of you, Roxy continued her downward verbal spiral, tears threatening to spill over with every passing second.

You, mildly hysterical, wondered why Rose wasn't _doing_ something?

Yeah, maybe it would probably bring even more 'unnecessary attention' (on globally live television, you might add) on the kid if Rose... like, went up and hugged her or whatever, but just sitting next to you like a statue surely wasn't the right answer!?

Evidently, you weren't the only one lost in a state of ' _what do I do?'_ because you could see John's kid-- ** _John's_** _kid!?--_ staring at her friend(?) as if Jane wanted to whisk away-- _was that a pun? No, it couldn't be, because John's kid probably hated cooking as much as he did. Wait, was that racist, uh, kidist of you to assume--_ the Lalonde heiress doing her best impression of a deer in the headlights.

About to say _"fuck it,"_ stop Time, and get the kid out of the spotlight, the maroon-cloaked midget who had been next in line appeared just in front of Roxy-- _that... was that a flashstep?_ This new person was clearly hiding her from the cameras as they-- _he_ \--took his hood down.

It was then that you knew, even before examining that gravity-defying blonde hair and pointed shades, that this one... was yours.

Your Descendant.

Your... _what was he?_

Pompous Asshole looked flustered and angry that he had been interrupted-- _chill man, they're just kids no matter your literal hero worship--_ but just lifted his nose and started up again. "Announcing--"

"Yo," said the blonde boy, cutting across PA's voice. "I'm Dirk Strider."

Frozen, you watched as he stuck a thumb in your direction. Ironically, time was moving far too fast for the Hero of Time, but you couldn't even begin to function enough to slow it back down.

"I think it's obvious who I belong to," finished Dirk. He grabbed Roxy's hand and marched to where his and Roxy's mini-thrones were in front of you and Rose.

You tried not to look-- _ **tried** not to stare--_but you're pretty sure Roxy started full-blown crying as she sat down. She buries her head in Dirk's shoulder while Jane gently grabbed her hand.

You glance in Rose's direction, but your sister's gaze was steadily forward...

"Announcing Jake Harley," said PA, expression beyond displeased at the current events.

And, really, you kind of want to punch the guy because while you know jackshit about kids, it wasn't Roxy's fault she got anxious or whatever. Lay off, man.

"Descendant of the Eternal Goddess of Skaia and Matter, Dogtier of the First Guardian--"

Tuning out the rest of the spiel, you watched as a brown-haired boy with tan skin and a too-wide grin strolled up in a yellow cloak.

"Hullo!" he said loudly, forcibly cheerful in a way that made you think he was trying to take attention of the previous disruption. "It's really great to meet the legendary heroes of our universe!"

Beside you, Jade gave a small wave-- _the fact that her smile was a bit strained told you that even she had reached her limit._ But regardless of whatever she was actually feeling, her wave made her apparent mini-self-- _even though he kind of looked a lot like John? Which made sense since they were ectotwins like you and Rose and, wait, did that mean that Roxy was also technically your...?--_ look genuinely excited.

The happiness dimmed a smidge as Jake went over to the table in front of you. He apparently said something not entirely comforting to the younger Lalonde by the way she burst into renewed tears. The mini-Harley floundered in response as Jane sighed.

The... Dirk didn't really react. 

_'Oh god, they're as much of a mess as we are,'_ you thought hysterically.

Whoever the _fuck_ thought it was a good idea to clone you guys needed to be isolated for his or her own good because any one of you could've told that idiot that more of you was a _bad_ idea.

Unable to watch as a troll that looked like _Karkat_ was introduced next, you focused on your... mini-clone.

But the more that you watched him, with his vacant expression and pointed shades, the more he reminded you less of yourself and more of... _Bro_.

Even now, you could... admit, to Rose at least (and Karkat on rare occasions you both agreed to not bring up again), that your relationship with your guardian hadn't been typical or entirely emotionally stable.

To be fair, the guy apparently had a pretty fucked up childhood before being entrusted a literal infant via meteor when he wasn't even your physical age.

Somehow, Bro had learned about Sburb, and became determined in his own slightly oppressive way to ensure that you were 'prepared' for it.

 _Prepared_ meaning 24/7 sneak attacks by the time you were toddling, intense survival courses via smuppet hell, and all the strifing any uncoordinated preteen could hope for.

Unsurprisingly, you had no clue growing up why he was so obsessed with making you a verifiable badass-- _your running theory was that he some sort of doomsday preparer which technically turned out to be true_ \--or why he discouraged any 'emotional weakness' (read: _any_ emotion) so it could be a bit... difficult at times.

Not that it would have been much easier if you knew the truth.

But, even then, what even was the truth?

Because from your point of view, it might have been true that he was preparing you for the Game, but there was no fucking way he didn't resent you for it. Didn't resent everything you were and represented. After all, the Guardians were apparently made for the sole purpose of raising you and then fucking _dying_ as some sort of bullshit coming of age thing.

Seriously, who the fuck would ask to be saddled with some unwanted infant and forced to Skaia's bidding or whatever?

To have to deal with this little ungrateful brat _every day_ and know that he was the reason you were going to die?

_(And then... even when a Doomed Dave came from the future to try and help your Bro, it still wasn't enough._

_You really were the **worst** brother ever.)_

Staring at Dirk Strider now, a tiny, optimistic part of you wondered if this was the universe giving you a second chance to make it right. To have some semblance of a functioning relationship with another Strider...

...but it was fucking obvious what a load of whimsical bullshit that was.

After all, you had been a disappointment to every Strider you'd ever known, so why should Dirk think any different?

o0o0o0o

==> Dirk: Contemplate What A Failure You Are

o0o0o0o

As horrible as it was, you were almost grateful for Roxy's breakdown because it distracted you from trying to read your Ancestor's expression in the reflection of your shades or have Hal hack the cameras set on _Dave Strider_ himself. 

Simultaneously, an ugly, spiteful part of you was furious with her.

Even though you knew it wasn't really her fault (besides the alcohol, that was completely on her), she made it necessary to bail her out of her very public spiral of humiliation.

While you'd do it again (and as many times as you had to if necessary), you couldn't help but resent that whatever 'first impression' you'd wanted to make on the Hero Dave Strider was _ruined_.

Seriously, you didn't think you could do much worse compared to 'useless newborn infant' that he last saw you as, but, as always, you could fuck up even the simplest of things.

The half-assed plan to "be cool" had taken a headfirst, crippling fall down the stairs. Honestly, your favorite mythos was the Time Temple's SBaHJ Chronicles, supposedly made by your Ancestor himself, so why hadn't you listened when they "warned you about stairs, bro..."

Of course, you were Dirk Strider--emphasis on the 'Dirk' since you were doing a shitty job of living up to the 'Strider' surname of it. Nothing ever really went your way, so losing this chance to earn your Ancestor's approval wasn't that much of a surprise.

After all, you had been a disappointment to everyone you'd ever known, so why would Dave think any different?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, this is going well already, isn't it? I guarantee you that there are 32 people here freaking the hell out but can't properly because they're on national television (unless you're poor Roxy). It's hilarious because the world leaders and citizens also at the celebration are completely oblivious. 
> 
> Also, I'm (probably) going to stop with the echoed ending sentences for Dave and Dirk cause it's driving me insane. Seriously though, they just think so similar in this AU? Though, to be fair, they always have when it comes to self-loathing...
> 
> Please leave a Comment or Kudos to tell me what you think!


	3. WHAT Do We Do Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:
> 
> Arriving on AlterEarth for the 5014th Anniversary Festival, the last thing the gods expected was to find out they have KIDS. For Dave, he has a moment of irrational hope this is the universe giving him a second chance with a "brother" before shutting himself down. 
> 
> Meanwhile, things aren't going great on the Descendants side either as Roxy breaks down during her introduction, forcing Dirk to step in and save her. While he doesn't (much) regret helping his ectotwin, Dirk laments ruining his Ancestor's first impression of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it already been a month!? Lies! Though, with everything else going on this month, I suppose it's not a surprise that it's gone fast. I'm not entirely happy since this section of the story is so awkward (in more ways than one lol), but it just did not want to work with me. 
> 
> Though, to be fair, being in both Dave and Dirk's head right now are just a mess of panic and self-loathing so I can't get them to actually interact XD. I'll get to editing later... 
> 
> So, I had a complete 'Senpai Noticed Me' moment last chapter. So, this fic is now dedicated to one of my favorite Homestuck writers, 09Pyros_09Hydros! Seriously, read any one of their countlessly amazing fics and you'll see why I think so highly of them.
> 
> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO LEFT KUDOS AND COMMENTS!!!!

o0o0o0o

==> Dave: Stop Time And PANIC 

o0o0o0o

Just as Prickly Apricot finished announcing Feferis' Descendant-- _and, wow, the nasty smirk on that mini-troll's face didn't remind you of all of the sweet, former heiress a few seats away--_ you reached out and _froze_ Time for everyone but the sixteen of you.

Blinking, you realized that it didn't feel as difficult as usual. You glanced down the line of thrones to see Aradia waving back at you.

"Oh good," she said cheerfully, smile still in place as if all of your worlds hadn't just been shaken more than any earthquake you'd ever experienced. Fuck, you were pretty sure even the start of Sburb hadn't been this rattling even with meteors literally destroying everything. "Looks like we had the same idea."

"What... the fuck," said Karkat finally. His crimson eyes bulged as he stared at the mini-troll version of himself, _Kankri_ , sitting at the table below him. "WHAT. THE. FUCK?"

It seemed that _that_ bit of truth and wisdom was enough to set off everyone. Each of your friends tripped over their words and each other in an attempt to get their reactions out. 

"They're purrety cute, but..." began Nepeta, looking a mixture of awe and confusion as she stared at Meulin.

"How is this possible?" Equius patted his very sweaty face with a customary towel (there was always one left for him at these kinds of events) as he avoided looking at Horuss through his broken shades. "I, certainly, have never contributed a bucket--"

"And I sure as fuck never had a kid either," you blurted out, as if you're trying to defend yourself in a metaphorical court of law with Terezi as the prosectuing attorney. "I mean, I'm pretty sure I didn't, but, shit, maybe a future version of me did and left--"

"It was neither of those things," interrupted Rose, cutting through the sea of voices. Everyone looked towards her. "It seems that, when we won the Game, part of our 'prize' was... them. Admittedly, I cannot see how unplanned parenthood is--"

"So you knew about this!?" hissed Vriska, gesturing at Aranea wildly without actually looking at her Descendant. The troll seemed just inches away from leaping from her chair and throwing down with her fellow Goddess of Light (not that it would be the first time with how ridiculously pitch these two acted). "I _swear_ , Rose--"

"I assure you," said Rose, tone calm even if you can see the strain in her brow. "I did not know about the... children until one week ago."

"That, uh, may be true," said Tavros hesitantly. He seemed more confounded than anything at the sight of Rufioh. His head tilted, his horns nearly poking Sollux's eye out. "But I would have, uh, liked to know as soon as you did?"

"If I had told one of you, then all of you would have known," answered Rose. She was still rigidly composed in a way that _really_ made you want to yell at her, for all the good that would do. "I did not foresee it working out well for everyone had I chosen that route."

"Not sure what could be worse than this," muttered Eridan beneath his breath. He was visibly sulking in his cloak as he studied Cronus with a conflicted expression.

Hysterically, you wondered how the fuck it was that you were all so-called all-powerful gods, but were freaking out like preschoolers when the teacher was gone. You were doomed.

All.

Fucking.

 _Doomed_.

"Hey!" yelled Jade, cutting through the chatter once again even as she frowned at Jake. "There is nothing bad about this!"

"I... yeah," agreed John, tilting his head as he studied Jane in front of him intently with a scrunched brow. "It's a surprise, but a... good one? I think. Maybe."

"At least pretend to be confident when spewing bullshit," said Karkat dryly, finally looking away from Kankri. "And speak for your gogdamn fucking self, because who the bulgefuck thought it was a good idea to have more of us running around? _Especially_ another Eridan?"

"Hey!"

Feferi giggled, patting her moirail on the shoulder. "I fink that Jade is right. This could be reely neat!"

Terezi leaned away from Latula to sniff in the direction of Kankri. "Your Descendant smells delicious, Karkat! Like a sour cherry!"

"Another KK that's somehow worse?" Sollux groaned. He had refused to look in Mituna's direction this entire time. "Gogs help us all there's no hope."

"I do believe that is us," said Kanaya. She was one of the few to remain calm. She stared at Porrim with only the slightest bit of apprehension. You could see her repeatedly smoothing down her slyph dress.

"Like I said," repeated Sollux in a deadpan, massaging at his forehead in a sure sign of an upcoming migraine. Feferi frowned in his direction, undoubtedly noting her matesprit's upcoming pain. "No hope."

"They surely have lusii," said Equius suddenly, straightening in his seat as if he's reached some sort of epiphany. "Perhaps there is no need to worry or involve ourselves--"

"We can't just ignore them!" protested Jade with a deep scowl, ears flickering back and forth agitatedly on the top of her head.

"It is our race's way," admitted Aradia, tilting her head at Damara contemplatively. "That's what lusus are bred for."

"But this isn't Alternia anymore," argued Feferi, obviously on Jade's side. She's almost bouncing up and down in her seat as she looked at Meenah, clear eagerness growing with every second. You're not surprised with how much she loved kids and the idea of 'families' in general. "Haven't we encouraged more of the human's method of personally raising their wrigglers?"

"But we're _gods_ , Fef!" whined Eridan incredulously, throwing his hands up. "We can't just abandon our duties!"

Fuck, your head is really starting to hurt.

"This is all cool and dandy, guys," you cut in, straining as you and Aradia try to calm down the very displeased aspect of Time. Slowing and speeding up Time was one thing (as was moving forward or backward in the Timeline, though you and Aradia didn't really do that anymore), but outright _stopping_ it was another.

Suffice to say, Time did _not_ enjoy being manhandled this way or for this long, even with all your practice and mutual understanding. You could hear the straining mechanisms of the aspect grinding in your head.

"This was a fucking horrible idea," you muttered beneath your breath. "Why did I think we could come up with some sort of solution--"

"Does there need to be all up a motherfuckin' solution?" asked Gamzee suddenly.

All faces turned to Gamzee. But for once, the generally dopey clown's eyes were intent as he stared at Kurloz. Unlike the rest of you, he looked at his mini-troll head-on, gaze serious as it had been after The Dark Carnival Incident.

( _A part of you shuddered to even think of **that** event_, _firmly putting it at the back of your mind.)_

"Way I see it," continued the purpleblood. "There's no motherfuckin' problem here--just straight up miracles! Not for us to be askin the why or how."

"He's... right," conceded Kanaya, green lips pursed as she gave a curt nod. "While I am curious about the circumstances, it's rather immature of us to go about this in a negative manner."

"Maybe if it wasn't _sprung_ on us," griped Vriska, still glaring at Rose. "And, I hate to say it, but Eridan's right that we _all_ have other shit to do. The wrigglers were doing fine before we got here, they'll be fine when we leave!"

Oh fuck, were you really agreeing with Vriska? And _Eridan_? That almost made it certain that you were on the wrong side of this, weren't you? 

Regardless, you could tell that your group was torn. The division of opinions grew as arguments broke out amongst you once again. Seriously, how the _fuck_ did any of you get anything done? Clearly, the Game had just given you guys a pity win or been on Easy Mode.

As you glanced back down at mini-Bro, a familiar brand of _fear_ grew inside of you as age-old feelings of disappointment and shame rose up.

Fuck this, it was really the best if you all just left now--

"EVERYONE CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!!" yelled Karkat over the voices, silencing everyone again as he glared in a way that made you blush and feel oddly chastised at the same time. _Only Karkat._ "Seriously, who're the real wrigglers here?"

"Well what's your _brilliant_ words of wisdom?" asked Vriska, cutting tone more of a genuine mockery than usual. 

You hadn't really been around for when the two trolls had settled their differences, but, despite her current attitude, you knew that Vriska had accepted Karkat's position of leadership. Technically, she a leader too as your group's main tactician while Karkat dealt with people and John... did John. For Vriska to act like this meant she was _definitely_ freaking the fuck out.

"I hate to say it, but Gamzee's right." Karkat breathed out, frowning at his words. "Yeah, none of us expected this, but this isn't the end of the universe--and even if it was, we've dealt with that shit. We've managed to help trillions of people, so what are sixteen more?"

Somehow, you felt calmer with every word; an almost Pavlovian response of the variety ' _Karkat's involved so even if it gets worse it'll be better'_ type of thing. Shit, you were pathetic.

"KK, you can't be fucking suggesting what I think you are," complained Sollux.

"What's the fucking alternative?" snapped back Karkat. "We go on our merry way and pretend they never existed because we couldn't handle it? Like that's not gogdamn pathetic!"

"I never said that," muttered Vriska, but even she looked a bit displeased to hear it said like that.

You were too, if you were being honest.

"So," continued Karkat, voice calmer with everyone's eyes on him. "We're going to get our shit together because at the end of the wink, they don't deserve to suffer from our bullshit. Got it?"

"But what about the rest of the Universe?" questioned Equius, dabbing at his face with the now soaked towel. Nepeta was already passing him another one.

"The Universe survived 5000 years without us," interjected Rose contemplatively. However, there was a furrow to her brow that alerted you that, while she must've Seen these events coming, she wasn't... altogether pleased. But why? "I do believe it will continue to do so whether or not we are playing an active role."

"And they're all so soft and purr-ecious!" cooed Nepeta, an optimistic air returning to the oliveblood as she wiggled in her seat like a cat about to pounce. "I want to play with them, Equihiss!"

"Are we in agreement then?" asked Karkat, glancing around at everyone as if to assess that they were all truly on board, even the reluctant assholes like you. "I know this is going to be fucking weird, but we'll figure it out."

' _That's why Karkat is one of our leaders,_ ' you think, feeling embarrassingly sappy even as you hear a spectrum of reluctant to enthusiastic replies in agreement.

With a newfound, if shaky, calm now present, Karkat locked eyes with you and nodded. Your heart skipped a beat and you released your grip on Time. You take a deep inhale as sound and movement returned around you.

Your head throbbed. Time was prissy with you for containing it for so long.

You're blinking away the oncoming migraine when PA suddenly stands, lifting his cup into the air towards all of you. "Praise be to the Gods!"

" _Praise be to the Gods_!" echoed the rest of the banquet, including your Descendants which made you feel uncomfortable for entirely new reasons.

Shit, at this rate, you were going to hit every mood mile marker from distress to mild discomfort at this rate. Get a fucking _bingo_ without even trying. 

For the next half hour, all you awkwardly watched your Descendants eat while nibbling at the food on your own golden platters. Not even your expensive as shit apple juice could cheer you up, but you definitively weren't alone. No one, even Gamzee, ate that much--though there was a fuckton of wine and faygo goblets being refilled.

Finally, with his plate still half-filled, Karkat stood from his throne. He stomped over to where Kankri sat.

The Descendant, who had already been sitting rigidly straight with painfully perfect posture, stiffened even more. His eyes wide as he stared up at Karkat as if he was some sort of god descending from the heavens--which was half-right, you supposed.

"Hey... Kankri? You done eating?" Karkat asked, voice tight and yet gentle. It was like he was negotiating a ceasefire on the battlefield rather than talking to his... kid. _Yeah, you'd rather deal with the battle._ "If you are, want to show me around this fucking festival thing?"

"Of-of course!" Fortunately (or maybe not), Kankri looked like every wish he'd ever dreamed of had been granted. In what you assumed was an uncharacteristic move, he nearly _threw_ down his silverware before standing up immediately. Jane grimaced beside him as a fork bounced towards her but didn't say a word inofcomplaint. "Whatever you desire, Eternal God of--"

Both you and Karkat winced at that one, the troll leader stepping back as to let Kankri out of his seat. All of you were (somewhat) used to being worshipped... it just felt different with, uh, these particular worshippers.

"Just call me Karkat."

With a bewildering mixture of idolization, trepidation, and confusion, Kankri rapidly nodded. He was seemingly oblivious to the overwhelmed older troll as he began to babble about the history of the festival and related shit.

As the two walked off, Karkat's expression indicated that he _really_ didn't want to do this, but he wasn't going to fucking back out so _the rest of you need to stop pussyfooting around--_

A few moments passed before Kanaya smoothly rose from her seat, heading over towards Porrim just as Jade leaped over the table and practically jumped at Jake. From there, your other friends followed suit, going over to grab their... Descendants.

Not wanting to seem like a total douche, you hurried to not be the last person (even if meant using Time to slow Eridan in his seat; something that the violet troll obviously noticed as he glowered at you. You flashstepped over to Dirk, still sitting next to Roxy, before you can think better of it.

"Yo," you said after a moment of a completely blank mind.

_Nailed it._

o0o0o0o

==> Dirk: Stare And Panic 

o0o0o0o

So wrapped up in your thoughts and Hal's passive-aggressive commentary (more aggressive than passive in this instance), you almost missed the Knight of Blood standing up from his seat and making his way over to Kankri.

What you didn't miss was the whirlwind of emotions to pass over the younger troll's face (panic, glee, terror, excitement) as his Ancestor stopped before him, gruffly asking him if he wanted to explore the festival.

You'd never seen Kankri move so fast, almost knocking over Mituna beside him as he nearly leapt out of the throne while babbling a mile a minute about highlights of the festival. It was a good thing that Kankri's Ancestor was a god (and a leader at that) because you weren't sure anyone with lesser skills could handle this particular pain-in-the-ass Descendant.

Intelligent as you were, it didn't dawn on you that the Gods must have had some sort of private conversation-- _maybe they created a mental link made by the Seer of Mind? Or maybe your Ancestor stopped Time like the epic being he was?--_ until you saw the other adults follow suit. They each stood and made their way to their individual Descendants.

You really didn't put the pieces together until, quicker than you could blink, _your_ Ancestor was there in front of you.

After anticipating meeting him your entire life, he was just _there_.

For a moment, you're frozen, staring up at him as even Hal was speechless.

Even though you had seen the Knight of Time countless times on the news, in the history books, on the walls of the Time Temple, and even just a little while ago from the introduction stage, it wasn't until now that you realized how _unprepared_ you were to have _Dave Strider_ there in the flesh.

A part of you short-circuits. You desperately wished that you had more time to plan even though you'd run through possibilities and discussion topics for the last week straight. It was a go time. _Don't mess this up any more than you already have, Strider._

"Yo," Dave Strider said, head tilted down to look at you from behind his shades. A moment passed, and then he seemed to glance at Roxy. "So, you're Rose's kid? Roxy, right?"

It was like a bucket of ice-cold water had been thrown over you; disappointment, confusion, and turmoil washing over you in a disorienting rush.

Why was he talking to Roxy? Not... not that you thought that he shouldn't, but why her _first_?

He remembered her name, so he had to remember yours, right? Did your lack of an immediate reply mean that he thought you were too insignificant to notice? Was he angry at you for interrupting the proceedings from before?

_Had you failed already?_

To your bitter envy, Roxy lit up like a lantern at the Hero of Time's words. Her eyes didn't seem nearly as red with her sudden excitement. "Y-Yeah! I am!"

Then, because she wasn't nearly as selfish as you, Roxy grabbed your arm. Her nails dug into your skin in a way that spoke of how nervous she also was. "And this is Dirk! Your so-um, Descendant!"

Tensing again, you gave a curt nod. "Sup."

_Nailed it._

"We've been really excited to meet you, uh, Mr. Knight of Time!" continued Roxy, nearly vibrating in her seat.

It's then you realized that you were still sitting down. Fuck, that was probably disrespectful since he was standing, right? _Gods d_ _amn it--_

"Call me Dave," replied your Ancestor, making your awe for him (almost) encompass your dominant feelings of self-loathing.

Fuck, he was such a cool guy.

"And you may call me 'Rose,'" said a new, yet familiar, voice from beside you.

This time, you and Roxy successfully stand as none other than the Seer of Light smiled down at the two of you. If you had thought Roxy was finally done crying, the new tears swimming in her eyes discredited that notion.

Not... that you could blame her right now.

"Mo..." Roxy bit her lip, a billion emotions present on her face before settling on a watery smile. "Hi."

The Seer... _Rose's_ smile seemed to become minutely larger. "Hello, Roxy, Dirk." She nodded in your direction, stepping closer to her brother who you noticed was remaining quiet. "It's very nice for my brother and I to meet you."

Something felt... _off_ about those words, but for once you ignored it. There was so much going on right now that you couldn't even begin to think of anything else.

A moment passed, but it seemed that none of you knew what to say.

Were they waiting for you to talk? To, like Kankri, give them a tour of the festival? Or, uh, maybe they wanted you to say some sort of godly greeting (especially since you renegaded on yours during the introductions), but that didn't seem likely given that they had just allowed you to use their first names, right? Or was it a _test--_

Suddenly, Roxy's stomach growled, making you all look over.

The thirteen-year-old blushed, but you weren't that surprised. In between you making her throw up what alcohol she drank earlier and the fact that PA hadn't let you eat while getting prepared for the celebration (not that any of you would have been able to stomach anything anyway), your stomachs were all pretty empty.

Sure, you guys had all been served at the tables after the introduction, but Roxy had been so upset from her botched introduction that she'd cried more than she'd swallowed. Suffice to say, you knew she had to be starving.

"Dave," said Rose suddenly, her eyes glowing yellow for a brief moment. "I do believe that there is a stand famed for their ramen nearby. Would you mind getting the children an order of shoyu and miso? Just leave money on the counter."

You're about to decline her offer before stopping yourself because _what the fuck_ you did **not** say "no" to a Goddess--especially one who apparently knew your favorite order without asking (a simple task with her classpect, but _holy fuck_ ).

But even if you had wanted to speak, you're made speechless again as Dave-- _can you really call him that? Yeah, he said to and you definitely weren't going to object, but...--_ disappeared.

Literally _disappeared_.

You'd seen the Knight of Time use his powers plenty of occasions on the news and historical video clips, but it was something else entirely to see it happen in front of your eyes.

Then, seemingly instantly, he reappeared with two steaming bowls of the previously mentioned ramen balanced in both hands.

"Order up on two bowls of dubiously taken ramen," said Dave in a deadpan, completely unaffected by how he had done the impossible.

Which, of course, made sense, but you're barely able to stop yourself from interrogating him on every last detail. Seriously, you wanted to know if everything they taught you at Temple and on aspects in school was legit.

_Almost as much as you wanted to know everything about him, in general._

"But I guess we technically made it in a roundabout way," continued your Ancestor, "so I won't be reporting you just yet to the popo, Rose. Even if they'd probably gawk at the thought of your highly overrated Sight that you like to pick and choose when telling others."

"Thank you, Dave." Rose's lips thinned a minute amount before turning to you and Roxy with an unreadable smile.

You definitely want to know what that was about... but at the same time that you really _didn't_. Seriously, even a minor spat between the gods seemed terrifying. And that was without thinking of the ancient texts where some of them may have been pit against one another during that 'game' that's always mentioned but you Descendants were told to never speak about. Yet another thing you wanted to ask about...

"Here," said Rose, breaking you out of your thoughts as she gestured to the bowls in her brother's hands. "I know you both haven't eaten much."

Both you and Roxy tensed, wondering if Rose knew the exact reason for her Descendant's hunger or if she was just referring to the previous meal where she could physically see your untouched plates.

You had a feeling the goddess would be far less pleased if she knew the truth, so you took your bowl silently.

Unlike before, there was a bright, genuine smile on your ectotwin's face as she took the bowl from Rose, happiness clear for the first time tonight.

Still, even as you took a bite of your ramen-- _somehow, it tasted a thousand times better than ever before, even though you had this exact dish every week--_ you keep your eyes on your Ancestors.

If you relaxed too much, you could come across as disrespectful or, worse, miss something important. Something _essential_ to redeeming yourself.

No matter what it took, you _would_ prove yourself to your Ancestor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kids: Wow, our Ancestors are so composed...  
> Kids Who Happen To Be Gods: *SILENTLY PANIC*
> 
> Still, it's nice to see them still "getting along" after Sburb, like one heck of a messed-up family. Though, Dave. Chill. Your Karkat-bias is showing XD
> 
> And, Dirk trying to think of a plan to "prove" himself... this will not go well. Any theories to what plans he’ll come up with to prove himself? Its definitely going to be FUN ;)
> 
> Please leave a Comment or Kudos to tell me what you think!


	4. WHAT Do We Say Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously:
> 
> After attending the 5014th AlterEarth Anniversary Festival, the gods discover that they have Descendants. None of them take this well, but manage to agree to at least try to get to know their... kids. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Dirk and Roxy are in a permanent state of shock as their Ancestors walk around the festival with them. On the surface, things appear to be going well, but underneath is a storm in the making...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been... quite the last year, hasn't it? Even without the current pandemic, school and work have been a neverending BEAST. I'm exhausted even thinking about it... but hopefully I'll be able to recharge this next week as I have my first legitimate break (besides various errands and work that I should catch up on... ugh) in a long while! 
> 
> Regardless, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

o0o0o0o

==> Dave: Be Awkward 'Adult' 

o0o0o0o

Even though you felt like you were missing something (a million things) important, you stayed quiet as the four of you walked around the festival.

Seriously, though, what the _fuck_ were you doing? Without Karkat there to constantly push you, and Rose doing her "smile" thing where she acts like she's got everything under control when you know that's a fucking lie, it felt like what little confidence you had that you could handle this evaporated.

It's made even worse every time you glance in... _Dirk's_ direction, the Mini Bro remining you more and more of _Actual_ _Bro_ with every second. You can almost _feel_ the kid judging you from behind his pointed shades.

Sure, normal people had no idea how to tell where someone with awesome eyewear (except Equius; he didn't count) was looking, but you had a _lifetime_ of practice. And, yeah, deciphering facial expressions was harder, but you were pretty decent at reading body language. That skill had saved you more than a few times during a fight.

Except, this guy, this... random mini-clone of yours, his expression was locked up tighter than Fort Knox--or, uh, he would be if Fort Knox still existed. The amount of control Mini Bro had of his facial and body muscles was unreal. That or he had the most neutral resting bitch face you'd ever seen.

_(Fuck, even **Bro** would have been proud of this Mini Bro. You'd never managed to get skill of that level even as a fucking **god** , but somehow this kid had managed to!?)_

It's too much.

It's really too much, and you want to run in the other direction.

The only thing keeping you here is the fact that Rose might skin you alive if you did. Or, worse, Karkat would be disappointed that you'd ignored him after his whole heroic "do the right thing" speech cliché.

So, you stick it through, nodding at various intervals, but never really speaking.

Fortunately, Rose's kid seemed more than happy to fill up the silence. There was no comparison to the shy girl from on stage as she bounced around from stall to stall, talking about every last thing. The nervousness was definitely still there, but fueled into an excitable, ranting energy.

_(You were going to ignore how that reminded you more of yourself than Rose.)_

You noticed Roxy doesn't really address you or Rose even as she seems to keep a constant game of 'staring chicken,' but you can't help but feel grateful for whatever reason that was.

Of course, that made it so the times Roxy did stop talking-- _damn, if only she didn't need to breathe like a normal human being_ \--were incredibly awkward.

Rose was great at redirecting you to things that would distract you all: creepily adoring fans who literally fainted when you looked in their direction, performers who were ecstatic to dance or sing with a single glance, various attractions that reminded you of those circuses and amusement parks that you'd only seen in person after becoming a god...

However, you could tell that Rose was getting more annoyed the longer you ignored-- _avoided_ (fuck, that didn't sound any better did it?) Dirk.

Deciding that you didn't feel like braving the icy judgment that Rose would inflict on you later, you breathed out. Then, you forced the first question out of your mouth that came to mind. "So, you guys are like thirteen, right?" 

Your sister gave you a look. So much for avoiding judgment.

 _Damn it, Rose, I'm trying okay?_ Maybe if _someone_ didn't spring a life-changing secret on you in a way you couldn't run away and think for a while, then talking to this Mini Bro wouldn't be so difficult.

Evidently, Dirk had been waiting for you to speak because he nodded quickly, still visibly emotionless. "Yeah."

"Cool," you said, feeling lamer than someone with no legs trying to do a trick stunt on a bicycle... actually, Davesprite would've probably been able to do that, if he hadn't been yet another Strider sacrifice to ensure your survival.

_Damn_ , dying was less painful than this.

"Thirteen. Good age," you continued. "Same age as we were when we destroyed the universe. But we recreated it and it was always going to happen, so I guess that's almost fine and just how it goes. Definitely a busy age. Yeah."

You'd ask Rose to kill you, but the fact that you'd come back to life a minute later to prolong this humiliation made you shut up.

o0o0o0o

==> Dirk: Be Awkward Teen

o0o0o0o

Even though the _Destruction & Creation Story of the Sixteen Gods_ had been taught numerous times since preschool and something you'd studied in-depth countless times, there was something both awe-worthy and intimidating about hearing your Ancestor state his past so casually like that.

If it were anyone else, you might have accused them of subtle bragging, but was it really bragging if it was true and something that _everyone_ in existence knew?

At the same time, the fact that the Knight of Time had confirmed that the gods had been thirteen when it all went down was like a slap in the face.

The ages of the gods weren't something widely known. Given your Ancestor's powers, they could likely appear any age they wanted to. It was accepted, with all the countless murals and artwork depicting their feats, that they had been young when the previous universe was destroyed, but _thirteen_?

Suddenly, your inadequacies felt more present than ever.

Fuck. For a moment there you were thinking about telling your Ancestor about the robots you'd built, but how pathetic was that compared to someone who was conquering and making _universes_ at your age?

No wonder the gods never came back. They probably expected you all to be ruling your planet or making galaxies already. There was no doubt in your mind now what disappointments you and your fellow Descendants must be to them.

Stuck in your spiral of mental self-loathing, you nearly missed your Ancestor's next words.

"I'm guessing you guys are in school then?" asked Dave after a moment of silence.

You realized that he'd probably wanted you to answer him. Had he wanted you to agree with him? To apologize for not measuring up? Either way, you missed your chance.

 _Again._

Roxy nudged your side and gave you a tentative if encouraging look. Whether her expression was because she was feeling the same as you (probably, if not to such a high degree) or wanted to let you answer, you didn't know. You can only manage a slight nod in response.

"Nice." Dave nodded. His generally neutral expression actually held a semblance of a grimace. Oh gods, he really regretted talking to you, didn't he? "My Bro didn't really believe in public school, had the school of hard knocks and sneak smuppet attacks, yo--not that I'm saying you shouldn't stay in school. You should. Learn stuff. Yeah."

One part of you was desperately interested to find out more about his childhood-- _Bro? That's right, your Ancestor had a Guardian that died heroically protecting him, hadn't he?--_ and the other part of you wilted even more as his words confirmed your previous thoughts.

While you had tested to have a genius IQ and were, on average, smarter than the rest of the Descendants, it was obvious now that you had been too easy on yourself. It couldn't be any more clear that your Ancestor was telling you that, 'genius' or not, it wasn't enough.

It's obvious that the Guardian of your Ancestor had recognized Dave's superiority early on. How had he trained him? If only you could know the kind of things that Dave had been taught while he was still learning... _wait._

Your mind raced. There was no way you could last a second against your Ancestor in a fight-- _quite literally, he could go back in time and make it so that you lost before you even started_ \--but maybe you could convince him to give you strifing tips?

Since your Ancestor had started out human like you-- _which was a bizarre and maybe even blasphemous thought--_ then there was _probably_ a time that he wasn't as good as he was now. Maybe?

So, using that logic, maybe you could showcase your strifing to remind him of that time with his Bro? Maybe appeal to some sort of childhood nostalgia so that he'd platonically pity you in a "I once was almost that terrible" or "wow you're pathetic I should help you out because I'm a magnanimous god" kind of way?

But how could you prove yourself worthy of his advice? Maybe if you could get him to come to your school's robotics club... and maybe if you didn't embarrass yourself while fighting Brobot...

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]

TT: Hmm, it isn't as bad as most of your plans.

TT: Now how to convince him to visit AlterEarth's primitive schools...

TT: I'll provide the possible options and percentages later.

You mentally thank Hal before quickly nodding-- _how long had you been thinking this time?--_ to Dave's words. "Yeah. I will."

Your Ancestor stared at you for a moment.

Your heart rate quickened. What had you said wrong now? Shit, you sounded like a complete noob, hadn't you? You could almost hear Mituna jeering at you now like he did whenever he managed to pull ahead on your gaming rivalry.

Before anyone could say anything else, Pompous Asshole appeared in front of your group, stepping out from behind a corndog stand as if he had been lying in wait the entire time. He probably had.

He bowed low to the gods. You could almost feel the way Pompous Asshole refused to look in your direction. Like, if he did, he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions under control in front of his deities.

Oh yeah, he was _definitely_ pissed about you going off-script during the introductions. He probably was going to assign a whole bunch of homework that you weren't going to even look at because what could he actually do? Fail you?

As much as he hated you, you were still a Descendant... no matter how worthless you were starting to see that title really was. You generally hated the "trappings of your station" or however Cronus would put it, but it was useful at times.

"Your divinities," said Predictable Asskisser, raising from his bow, his tone sickly sweet as he kept his eyes respectfully low. "I perfectly understand if you wish to continue browsing the festivities. They shall go on for as long as you desire--"

"That won't be necessary," interrupted the Seer of Light, a polite smile on her face. You stifled a snicker. You had a feeling that not even immortal patience was enough to deal with PA. "In fact, we were thinking of retiring for the night, so we appreciate you leading us to our residences."

Pompous Asshole's carapacian face lit up with joy and he nodded quickly enough that you wondered if his head would fall off. "Of course! My companions have already begun to lead your fellow exalted majesties to their own homes..."

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes as PA glanced in the direction of you and Roxy. His face soured. "You two, return to the Descendants Dorms--"

"Can't we stay with them?" interjected Roxy, tone bordering desperate as she moved closer to you.

Part of you tensed too. You'd barely said a sentence to your Ancestor all evening. It wasn't nearly enough to convince him to stick around for a while so you could prove yourself.

For all you know, you and Roxy would go to bed and wake up to find the gods gone for another decade--maybe more since none of you had made a worthwhile impression.

Fuck, for the first time you hoped that Kankri's hero worship was making headway with his Ancestor. The stories said that Karkat Vantas was the most likely to sympathize with the emotions of mortals and never turned down anyone asking for help. But they also said that he didn't make any personal attachments of his own, so maybe that would work _opposite_ of what you wanted. _Damn_.

If not, then you know that Jane _had_ to be making progress with the other leader, the Heir of Breath. Surely she'd convinced him it was a good idea to stick around for a while... or at least you hoped she was.

Of course, even if she did succeed, there was no promise the other gods would stay.

If Pompous Asshole had seemed mad before, the fury in his eyes was at least ten times worse from Roxy's words. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted once again.

"I would prefer if they stayed with us," said Rose, still wearing that smile that you were pretty sure would show up in your nightmares. "After all, they have their own rooms in our individual mansions, do they not?"

"Of course!" exclaimed PA, mood completely changing as he led your group towards the outskirts of the festival, happily ignoring you Descendants once again. "Just come right this way..."

At the corner of your eye, you watched as security kept civilians away. Crowds were already lined up to just glimpse the Heroes of Time and Light. It was like you were some sort of parade with you and Roxy as only the supporting attractions for once.

You stood up straighter. A lifetime of dealing with this kind of attention more helpful than ever even if you hated it. Damn, why couldn't you be as composed as your Ancestor had been while entering the AlterEarth Anniversary celebration?

As a flying, overly ornate carriage appeared and the five of you got in, it remained relatively quiet amongst your group. Or, at least, it was Pompous Asshole's talking filling up the carriage instead of Roxy (one guess to who you preferred to the two).

Still, you had no desire to talk to your Ancestor or Aunt Ancestor with your watchdog teacher around. He'd probably correct your grammar and hamper on your etiquette lessons for the billionth time. If that happened, you'd behead yourself right then and there because there would be _no_ coming back from that.

So you remained silent as the city and scenery passed beneath you, trying not to make it obvious as you watched Dave at the corner of your eye.

It felt all too soon when the familiar circle of the Ancestor's Mansions came into view. They were easily identifiable from their noticeable color schemes, aspect-shaped gardens, and statues of the corresponding god in front of each palace-like home.

This entire land was considered holy even though you were pretty sure that the gods hadn't spent much time here while fine-tuning AlterEarth back in Year 5000 when they reappeared. It was walled off with the strongest magic and science-mixed security system that the devoted citizens of this planet could offer. You wondered if every planet had something like this--probably.

Very few could enter the premises--the Descendants of course being one of those few. But there really hadn't been a reason to go into the museum-like residences until now.

The carriage stopped at the Knight of Time's bright red mansion first. With a few dozen more compliments and warning glances-- _one guess which person got what--_ thrown out by PA, the side door opened to let you and your Ancestor out.

Dave glanced in Rose's direction. She nodded, seeming to say communicate something silently until he frowned and turned away.

You really wanted to know what he was thinking, but obediently followed as he walked up the grand staircase to the front door of the red mansion.

"Forgot how ridiculous this place was," your Ancestor said under his breath. But there was a bit of a smirk on his face, so you think he might've liked it?

Before either of you could walk inside, someone appeared in front of you. Someone very familiar.

Your Ancestor, _Dave Strider._

Your eyes widened, looking back and forth from the Dave Strider beside you to the one in front of you until you remembered, _duh,_ time travel.

"Hey," said Other Dave. Was it a Past Dave? A Future Dave? Gods, the amount of work you could get done if you had that power... again, why did you have the worst classpect combination? "Sleepover at Egberts."

"And Rose couldn't have told me sooner instead of making me loop?" asked Dave, looking a bit annoyed as Future Dave only shrugged. "Whatever. I'm cool with a sleepover." 

Suddenly, the Dave beside you disappeared, leaving Future Dave-- _Present Dave? Damn it, you were one of the top students in your Time Studies, you shouldn't be this frazzled by a real time pop quiz_ \--with you.

He stared at you for a moment before glancing at the bright blue mansion a few hundred feet down the way, in the very middle of the circle of houses. "So, we should probably get going. Snarky Broads have decreed it leg day. Got to put those miles in."

You nodded. The two of you leave the mansion. There was a strange feeling of disappointment and relief that you wouldn't be spending the night one-on-one with him. It was probably best for you to have your friends with you anyway.

TT: Ask him about his powers.

TT: Gods probably like to talk about how much cooler they are than you mortals.

"Was that your Time aspect?" you asked tentatively, wondering how much you could ask before he could get annoyed. Damn it, there were just too many questions to ask for you to screw up from the get-go.

"Hmm? Yeah." Dave shrugged, obviously completely used to his godly skills. "I avoid loops these days because it's a pain and I guess that my Future Self could have just texted me, but whatever. I'm cool like that."

You agreed that _cool_ was a very accurate word for your Ancestor, but saying it might not go over well. He hadn't seemed that impressed with his adoring citizens or PA kissing ass, but you weren't sure. Nonetheless, you keep quiet.

Instead, you asked, "Do you know who else is going to be there?"

Dave shrugged. "Couldn't tell you, but I'm guessing me, Rose, Jade, and John since it's his house we're going to. And, uh, probably their... yeah."

You tried not to wince at his description of your fellow human Descendants. Fuck, you hope that the others were doing better than you with their Ancestors. "None of the trolls?"

He shrugged again, passing the bright yellow walkway of the Seer of Light's mansion. Seriously, that thing was bright enough that it lit up from space.

"Dunno," Dave said. "Maybe Kanaya since she and Rose are married and all, but Kan said back when we were on Planet T that she was looking forward to spending some time with Karkat since we were on different missions this time around."

"What was the mission like?" you asked, relaxing just a smidge. It had been a whole two minutes and you had yet to obviously screw up. _Success_. "I heard that there was some sort of plague?"

"Yeah, something about bacteria," Dave said as the Heir of Breath's mansion came into sight – something that big and blue was very hard to miss, "but Eridan took care of that while Kanaya, Rose, Feferi, and I did the rest." He paused. "I suppose that we didn't really _need_ Rose, but she gets hella cranky whenever she and Kanaya are separated, even if it's just like for a week, so Vriska tries to make sure they get paired up since Rose is useful anywhere."

"I thought the Heir of Breath and the Knight of Blood decided missions?" you asked curiously.

"Not really." Dave snorted and you stomach twisted with humiliation. "The further John is away from making plans, the better. Not that I'm hampering on the dork or anything, he's just better at making the impossible happen, you know?"

No, you didn't know. Or, at least, you weren't sure since they _all_ accomplished what was considered impossible by the universe's normal standards.

Still, you nodded. You'd known that the Thief of Life was their strategist, but it was clear that role was more influential than you'd first thought. Though, it was weird to have so many leaders. How did they not fight or argue? It was a fucking miracle that you Descendants didn't end up killing one another as it was. Of course, that was only another point in the 'the gods are the gods and not _you_ for a reason' column.

"Karkat only really intervenes in Vriska's mission planning when she misses something of the 'social' sense," Dave continued. "Which she doesn't do often because she ain't got time to put up with everyone's whining when they're separated from their quadrants." Your Ancestor made a face. "Except for Rose. They're always purposely pissing each other off. It's really disturbing."

"Are they pitch?" you asked before you could stop yourself. 

Oh _gods_. What were you? _Meulin_!? 

"I prefer not to think about my sister's love life," Dave replied in a deadpan.

Even though his expression hadn't really changed, you know he must be pissed off from your invasion of privacy and disrespect. Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck _fuck!_

TT: Kill yourself now.

TT: Maybe if we die now, he'll think we were just some sort of ridiculous nightmare and forget we ever existed.

Not going to lie, you were tempted to follow Hal's words. As you contemplated the pros and cons of committing seppuku right then and there, you arrived at the mansion of the Heir of Breath. Before you could think of how to properly apologize, he opened the door and walked in without another word.

You remained frozen on the front steps, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dirk: Wow, our Ancestors must get along great even with so many leaders! They're a fully functioning team.  
> Dave: It's a goddamn miracle we can come back to life or alter the timeline every time we screw up.
> 
> DIRK NO. REMINDING DAVE OF STRIFING WITH BRO IS A BAD IDEA!!! And Hal, I love you, but you are NOT HELPING.
> 
> And, Dave, I know you're trying and it's not your fault that Dirk is a self-conscious insecure mess... I mean, it slightly is, but... uh... where was I going with this? XD
> 
> Really, though. I rewrote this chapter so many times because these two DID NOT want to communicate. Like, Dave is already emotionally past his limit and Dirk is in a pretty unstable state himself. These two pitiful boys...
> 
> Please leave a Comment or Kudos to tell me what you think!


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